Sticker Wars: Thistle vs Larabee

In a conflict as old as time itself, mathematics teacher Robert Thistle and substitute teacher Margaret Larabee have been in a head to head battle of sticker distribution. Things got heated during an interview on March 10th between the two teachers, when they accused each other of sticker theft. 

Mr. Thistle’s promise of stickers for every student who receives a 90% or above on exams has been the key motivation for many students. “The only reason I even decided to take calculus was for his stickers!” said Leo Anthony Welch. 

However, some students complained that his stash of stickers has gotten increasingly dull over the years. 

“I cannot believe that he had the audacity to give me just a simple smiley face,” Pisces Mackenzie Sheehy said. “I didn’t sacrifice Bachelor Monday to study for my test only to get that lame two dimensional sticker! He may as well have given me a frowny face!”

Larabee, on the other hand, has been making a regular appearance at the New England Sticker convention, as to only distribute the finest crafted stickers for her students. Unlike Thistle, Larabee hands out stickers to anyone and everyone; there is no qualifying standard.  

As Libra Kyle Trottier said, “although I would never want a teacher to be sick, if I see Ms. Larabee in a classroom, I get so excited! Her stickers are the absolute best!”

Although both teachers may seem like kind-hearted people in the classroom, when it comes to stickers, it’s no time to mess around. 

“I’ve had Ms. Larabee as a sub a few times, and she always seems really quiet and chill, but when I was on my way to practice after school, I honestly didn’t recognise her,” an anonymous student said. “I heard screaming coming from the teacher’s lounge and when I peaked in, she and Mr. Thistle were fuming!” 

Drama ensued when Thistle gave away a limited edition, gold encrusted, puffy, Bob The Builder sticker to lucky student Kate Swann after she aced her precalculus midterm. After receiving the sticker, Kate wore it to English class where Ms. Larabee was subbing for Ms. Cook, who was out at a WhiteTiger Book Signing. 

Swann (Libra) said, “we were just going through the attendance list, and my golden sticker must have blinded Ms. Larabee because next thing I knew she was screaming and holding her head! I’ve never seen her in such a riot!”

As it turns out, Larabee was not blinded, but was rather exasperated at the sight of Kate’s sticker.

Larabee said, “That was my sticker! I stood in line at the New England Sticker convention for 47 hours to get it, and it went missing last week! It’s obvious that Mr. Thistle stole it!”

When confronted, Thistle simply explained that he had gotten the sticker himself. He said, “few people know this about me, but the character Bob The Builder is actually based on me! The producers of the film gave it to me as a ‘thank you’ for being their inspiration. In fact, I find it hard to believe that Ms. Larabee ever had one!”

When questioned about why he gave up his precious sticker to Kate, he said, “I gave it to Kate because she was so deserving of it!”

The possible sticker theft is not where the drama subsided. Last Thursday, Thistle entered his classroom to find that his smartboard was entirely covered in stickers. When questioned, Larabee admitted to committing this act of vandalism. 

“I was just so upset because I thought he stole the sticker,” said Larabee.

The case remains unresolved, but even throughout the drama, the battlefield remains neck and neck. In a recent survey, the polls came back 50/50 in response to the question, “who distributes the best stickers? Thistle vs Larabee.”

After the Eggplant staff delved deeper into the statististics, 98% of the people who voted for Thistle were Calculus/Pre-Calculus students, meaning that generally, Mr. Thistle’s students are loyal to their teacher.

It seems as though each year the teachers continue to upstage each other day after day. Even through all the drama of the past week, both sides admire each other for their work in the field of stickery. 

Nearly in tears, Thistle said, “I’m so grateful to have a coworker who continues to push me day after day to be the best sticker distributor that I can. Without the competitiveness between Ms. Larabee and I, I wouldn’t be nearly as motivated to provide the best stickers for my students that I can.”

Larabee added, “I’m so glad that I’ve found someone who I can share my love of stickers with!”