1 in 650: An Interview with Mt. Greylock Regional School
March 31, 2020
Echo: Wow. Hi. It’s good to finally speak with you.
MG Building: Well, it’s good to finally be speaking [Hacks loudly into recording device].
E: So, what is it like being a building?
MG: [Sighs heavily] It’s not as easy as everyone thinks. I mean, there are literally hundreds of people inside me almost every day, and that’s pretty exhausting. Like I’m sheltering them from everything outside of me, but I’m experiencing the rain, sleet, snow, and bird poop 24/7. So yeah, I’d say definitely not easy.
E: Okay so I-
MG: Actually the opposite of easy, whatever that is.
E: Could You-
MG: Hard. That’s what being a building is; hard. There’s the word I was looking for.
E: I can imagine having this break must be a little strange. Did you have any idea of the possibility of school, or I guess you, closing because of The Coronavirus?
MG: Well you know, I had heard snippets of conversations teachers were having, but I hadn’t really been following the news. As you can imagine, it’s pretty hard for a building to read. So it did come as a bit of a shock to me.
E: How does it feel to be empty for so long?
MG: I feel…[thinks for the next minute or so, sighing every few seconds] I feel empty. Yeah. Empty for sure. I’ve been empty for longer periods of time, like in the summer, but this just all came about so suddenly. So yeah, definitely empty. Don’t get me wrong, though. I am incredibly grateful for this break. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I had to deal with those hooligans for one more week.
E: When you say “hooligans,” do you mean the students?
MG: The students. The teachers, the staff, the administration. All of them.
E: Do you have something against them?
MG: Well I mean, I just hate children in general. I can’t stand them.
E: And the adults?
MG: Oh, I don’t believe in education. So I’m not a huge fan of teachers and the administration.
E: I’m sorry? You don’t believe in-
MG: Education. I guess I would say that I just don’t see the point of it. It’s all just a little too much for me. I’m actually an avid supporter of radical unschooling, which means I feel children should never learn. Because, well, it ruins their minds.
E: I’m not sure that’s exactly what unschooling is.
MG: [Silence] Potato, patato, right?
E: Okay anyways, could you comment on the, um, issues relating to your plumbing?
MG: Ah yes, that. I had hoped you wouldn’t ask. To be honest, I’m quite embarrassed. It makes me incredibly self conscious, because it’s just like, problem after problem. First it was the flooding, then the exploding of pipes. And yes, some of this is my fault, but it’s also those rotten kids. When my pipe exploded, it was partly me, but like, who tries to stuff utensils down a toilet? But yeah, it makes me feel pretty bad about myself. I’m a very new building, but somehow I’m functioning like my former self.
E: Your former self?
MG: Yes. You see, the old Mount Greylock building had a different mind and physical appearance than me, but we share the same soul. So really, the two buildings are both myself.
E: I see, so-
MG: It’s a sort of reincarnation thing, which I know is like a big thing with you humans. But I truly feel that I have been many, many different buildings.
E: I can imagine you’ve experienced some health epidemics in all your different lives, but Covid-19 must still be pretty crazy for you. In what ways has it affected you?
MG: With all the kids gone, I feel a little like I don’t really have a purpose anymore, which is pretty belittling. So it’s been a tough mental struggle for me. Luckily, I don’t think any buildings have gotten the Coronavirus yet. But again, I’m not a big news reader.
E: I’m fairly sure buildings can’t get it, so you’re safe.
MG: Oh great, great.
E: So, what have you been doing to keep yourself busy during this break?
MG: I mean, I’m doing the pretty obvious activities: watching movies, reading, cooking. But I also absolutely love doing legos, and this is a great opportunity to really spend some time on this hobby. You know how little kids love playing with dolls? Well similarly, I enjoy playing with miniature buildings; they remind me of myself. So I’ve mainly been working on that.
E: Sounds like fun. I just have one more question: if you weren’t a school, what would you want to be?
MG: I’ve actually thought about this a lot, so I’m really glad you asked that question. If I had to stay as a building, I would want to be like a model for paintings. All of my favorite paintings have just beautiful buildings in them. The Rouen Cathedral by Claude Monet, for example. San Giorgio Maggiore At Dusk, also by Monet. Big fan of him. Oh, and American Gothic. The people kind of creep me out, but the building behind them is incredible. If I could be a human though, then I would definitely be a singer. Taylor Swift is my idol. Love her, love her music, love everything about her. When she sang “Baby I could build a castle out of all the bricks you threw at me,” I really got that.
E: Any last words?
MG: I guess just that sometimes people don’t see me as something with thoughts and feelings, but I do have them. So keep that in mind.