Teachers – They’re Just Like Us!

March 31, 2020

With the sudden closure of school for three weeks due to concerns surrounding the COVID-19 outbreak, students and their families are looking for ways to keep quarantine entertaining and avoid boredom. However, Mount Greylock teachers are having no trouble keeping themselves busy.

The English department has started its own virtual book club, helping them pass the time as they explore modern literature. The first book they are reading is 50 Shades of Grey, after which they hope to watch the movie. Mrs. Cook, an eighth grade and sophomore Honors English teacher, said, “We are really trying to tap into books that are relevant to our teenage audience. I hope it’s an interesting read!” Sources close to the department say that the Twilight series is next on the docket. Will the teachers be team Edward or team Jacob? Only time will tell.

In the math department, calculus teacher Robert Thistle is having a very stressful quarantine. The beloved teacher has long been famously found on Google Earth, a fact he points out to his classes every year. However, that is about to change. Thistle said, “I have just received news that Google is once again updating Google Earth, putting my famous appearance in jeopardy.” He has decided there is only one logical course of action: wait out on the street and chase the Google cars in a desperate attempt to get on Google Earth once more. To keep himself relaxed, he is listening to Mac Miller and his newfound love, One Direction. Thistle said, “After digging myself a deep hole when asking if One Direction is still relevant, I decided to listen myself. They’re my new favorite thing!”

Former NASA scientist Shawn Burdick has decided that Earth is no longer safe due to coronavirus concerns. “I have decided to leave my teaching career,” said Burdick. “I am once again going to work for NASA as space appears to be the safest.” Any day now, he will be leaving Earth aboard a NASA space shuttle to do scientific research on Mars. However, many reports reveal he has no intention of coming back.

With NASA Chief Rocket Scientist (Ret.) Burdick out of the way, Chemistry teacher Faith Manary is plotting to take over Dr. B’s job. After all, she has always said physics is her true passion. On the side, she plans to create a vaccine for the coronavirus herself, having recognized the impotence of the government. In between her plotting and planning, Manary is filming video lectures. Her cats make several cameos. 

Just like many high school students, teachers have decided to binge-watch their favorite Netflix shows. Spanish teacher Ms. Vigeant can’t stop watching Jane the Virgin. Coach Jutras is watching The Bachelor, while Mr. Johnson is brushing up on his culinary skills with the Great British Baking Show. Tom O has hopped on the bandwagon and is watching Love is Blind, and yes, he is contemplating trying out the social experiment on his soccer team to add some variety to team bonding. Mr. Welch is watching Glee to get his musical fix.  

Families across the country have been rushing to the grocery stores to make larger and larger purchases in the event of shelter in place orders or self imposed quarantine if they fell ill. Mr. Belouin bought out Walmart, Stop & Shop, Big Y, Market 32, and BJs in order to have plenty of his one essential: Doritos.

Worried about hospital conditions amid the COVID-19 outbreak, pregnant teachers are making sure they are prepared as possible for whatever is ahead. Health and Biology teacher Ms. Starz has taken to watching Grey’s Anatomy to educate herself in the event that hospitals are overloaded and she has to deliver her baby on her own. After all, Grey’s Anatomy is such an accurate representation of all real-life scenarios. Starz said, “Unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. One can never be too prepared!” 

English teacher Kellie Houle is very worried about being at home with all of her family under one roof. Seeing as she teaches Lord of the Flies to her ninth-grade students year after year, she is contemplating whether her personality will morph into a Jack, a Ralph, or a Piggy if the situation in the house escalates to a breaking point.

The administration is honestly enjoying the time off. Assistant Principal Jacob Schutz, after having to deal with clementines and forks being shoved down the toilet, is glad to have a breath of fresh air that cannot currently be found at Mount Greylock. Principal Mary MacDonald is stress baking, which has turned into a really sweet act of kindness for her neighbors. MacDonald said, “If I’m going to be so stressed about such a cataclysmic event, I might as well help others profit from it. After all, stressed is just desserts spelled backward.”

While the students have been sitting at home bored, the teachers have found ways to keep themselves infinitely busy. Let’s hope Mr. Thistle finds his way onto Google Earth, Dr. B safely gets to space, and Ms. Starz finds all the medical information she could want from Meredith Grey!

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