The Journey of a Cafeteria Fork

March 31, 2020

Before Friday the 13th, the life of a Mount Greylock cafeteria fork was quite mundane. Then, everything changed. 

After being snatched from the school cafeteria’s gray, plastic bucket, a fork’s daily routine took a spin… quite literally. Accompanied by various fruits, wads of paper towels, and other utensils, an unsuspecting victim was sucked into Mount Greylock’s sewer system with a mere push of a button.  Sources are unsure of the duration of the fork’s imprisonment within the pipes, though a series of issues were quick to ensue.  

“The impact a piece of silverware can have on the entire school is unreal,” attested a Greylock student.  Shortly after being sucked into the bowels of the sewage pipes, chaos, in this case sewage, arose. Gushing into the right academic wing at a rapid rate, the foul liquid led to a rancid smell which greeted students and staff Friday morning. Frantically, staff rushed students with affected classes to the cafeteria. In the wake of a possible closing due to COVID-19, students were eager to leave school as fast as the seemingly harmless fork had been flushed down one of Greylock’s toilets. For many Greylock students, the fork which caused such disruption can be revered as an unexpected hero, saving them from a dreaded test or assignment; for administrators however, the fork will go down in infamy.

In addition to their role as unseen heroes, Greylock’s utensils travel well beyond the walls of the school. An army of forty-nine gathers at an anonymous sophomore student’s residency, gaining members at a frequent rate. The student admits, “almost everyday I bring a fork or spoon home.” Many students boast armies of cafeteria utensils at home; one student last year returned almost one hundred forks and spoons at the end of the year.

As many of our readers can agree, a cafeteria fork or spoon is unmistakable; the minimalist design coupled with a bendable metal composition distinguishes Greylock’s silverware from any other. “There is nothing like finding a fork from the school when setting the table,” explained a junior at Greylock.  

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