Students so Bored They Begin to do Homework

As of March 25th, Massachusetts schools are to be closed until May 4th. Despite this prolonged period of time away from school, Greylock teachers are determined not to let COVID-19 disrupt the fun of the classroom. “While we recognize that the classroom environment is different now,” said Taurus Joseph Johnson, “we are determined to keep students intellectually stimulated by assigning a moderate amount of homework.”

Johnson himself has asked Spanish students to use the language-learning app Duolingo to continue their academic pursuits. Johnson said that “It really isn’t that different [from actual school]. Plus the art style is enchanting…”

In addition to completing the Spanish courses on Duolingo, Johnson has asked that students also learn French, Russian, Chinese, Turkish, Hebrew, Hindi, Swahili, and Navajo. While students are not officially asked to learn Romanian, Johnson says that it might help on the final exam.

English teachers are also having difficulty keeping their students engaged during this break. “Class discussions are vital to the curriculum,” says Aquarius Matthew Fisher. “If we don’t painstakingly pick apart each word in a book, students might actually have fun reading them.” For Fisher’s Honors Tolkien class, social distancing means weekly sentence-by-sentence analyses of The Two Towers, which are then peer reviewed and edited. “Given the depth that these books possess, this assignment really should not be that hard.” The Echo would like it to be noted that The Two Towers is 300 pages long. 

Scorpio Tom Ostheimer, AP Psych teacher, has requested that his students reread the entire textbook. When asked if this was a doable task, Ostheimer explained, “Students don’t come to school for social interaction. The only thing that keeps these children engaged and learning is the homework. And we teachers refuse to let them down. They should be thanking us.”

Some students really are thanking their teachers for this influx in assignments. “You know, I never had enough time to do homework,” says Cancer Nicole Overbaugh. “But now that sports are postponed, activities are cancelled, and the only people I’m allowed to see are my family, I have nothing but time!”

Students’ responses to the homework seemed to be overwhelmingly positive. In fact, the demand for more homework assignments almost outweighs Walmarts demand for toilet paper. “I don’t know what to do,” says Leo Faith Manary. “Twenty of my students turned in their practice problems in under an hour. This is unprecedented.”

As the situation unfolds, the Eggplant promises to continue honest and dedicated reporting.